There are times in my life when I have no idea what makes me happy, so I have even less of a clue when it comes to making others happy.
So, does buying a new and updated phone, a new road bike that weighs less than my furry cat or an item of clothing or piece of jewellery put a smile back on my dial and make me happy? And for how long would any of those items keep me happy?
It’s not that I don’t want a new phone that has all the bells and whistles and does everything except make me a cup of coffee every morning. Or picking up a better bike equipped with the best parts that money can buy. A full Shimano Dura-Ace Di2 electronic drivetrain, Aeolus 3 D3 Disc and carbon wheels.
I’m all for that. But in the end, does it bring true happiness? The answer is simple. It doesn’t. At least not for the long term, and that’s the sort of happiness we need in our lives. I know its not only what I need, but it’s what I want.
Although, finding that happiness is like finding a needle in a haystack. We just need to keep trying.
There is the face we show the world. And another we keep hidden and only see when we look in the mirror to see it staring back at us.
We tend not to show the world and the people around us how we feel. On the outside we are bright and bubbly, always quick with a joke and ready for a laugh. But beneath the facade of happiness lies a another part of us we keep hidden. A part of our lives we dread to show the world.
We keep our inner selves so well hidden at times, that even we truly have no idea of what lies beneath. We are so afraid to let our feelings show, we keep pushing them into the furthest crevices of our minds until we think they can never rise back and bother us.
But in time they will rise to the surface, and it will happen when we least want them back. But they are there. Waiting for the right moment to make a reappearance into our lives and bring us crashing back down to terra firma.
Keeping our emotions buried deep will only make it harder to accept the real facts when they eventually surface. We need to drag them out form the darkness before they really do ruin our lives completely.
We can’t continue to dodge a bullet. And that’s exactly what our inner feelings are. A bullet with our name on it. So before the bullet is shot, we need to release it from the gun barrel and let it drop, before it takes us down.
As much as we think we can beat our inner demons alone, there is a much better chance of succeeding if we share the burden. And that in itself is the harder layer, acknowledging we have a real problem.
Don’t do it alone, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Sitting and waiting in the doctor’s office gave me time to think of the past few months and what they meant to me and how I’ve changed due to my cycling accident.
Physically I haven’t changed all that much. I’m a little less flexible right now, but physio and rehab will get me back to a point where I was before I was hit by a car.
Mentally is a different story altogether I think. I have my good days, as well as some bad days. Small things set me off and I know I tend to get upset and angrier at things that would have never bothered me earlier in the year.
It was when I was lighting the fire, something I can do with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. But this time was different.
The paper lit easily enough, as did the cardboard. And then that was it. The kindling refused to light and I lost the plot. Not just a few choice words, but a full dummy spit.
I sometimes need to admit to myself what happened has changed me. But I hope that most of the changes are for the best.
All I can do is continue with my rehab and hope that all the pieces fall into place before I really lose the plot.
Time will tell…
The way we see ourselves is much different than the way others see us. We are seen in a different light, one which we would never think about ourselves.
We always look down upon at what and who we are, and only see our bad side. Our true friends also see our bad side, but they see the side of us that makes us different, and also very special. The side of us that keeps them coming back, through the good times and the bad.
We may not think much of ourselves most of the time, but once in a while we need to see what others see in us. We are all good, we just need to look a little deeper to see the goodness other people see in us. It will shine through.
We shouldn’t let out our self doubt block out all the good things we truly are.
Relax, smile and our true selves will be revealed not only to those around us, but to ourselves.
Some people drink to remember, some drink to forget.
No matter what the reason, it may help the state of ones mind. And memories are very powerful and stubborn things we try to either erase, or recapture.
Personally, I have some memories I want completely erased from my mind. Gone and never to see the light of day ever again. But in many other ways, those very same memories are what made me the very person I am today. They are the driving force that keep me going, day in, and day out.
Eventually the memories will fade, but the scars they leave embedded deep within our minds will forever remain, not physically, but mentally. And the only person who can control them, and not let them take over my life, is the person who owns those memories.
It may not be a simple matter of having a few bourbons and erasing a few brain cells in the hope they are the ones containing dark memories. But we know those memories are with us for life.
The scars we carry in our minds are for us alone to manage. If we feel the need, or want, to share them with others, then that’s our choice. And if we want to keep those memories hidden in the darkest recesses of our minds, then that is where they will remain.
Ben Harper – When it’s good
There are times that just the steady rotation of a set of bike pedals is enough to soothe the soul and make the heart beat a little quicker, from exertion and excitement. This feeling is doubled when a ride is shared with a friend who manages to chat through the entire 3.5 hour ride. Not that I minded one iota.
The destination is not important when out on the bike, it’s all about the journey, as is life in general. We all know where we will end up, but it’s what we do up to the point that makes the difference.
So during the journey on a ride, it’s who you meet along the way that makes a difference. As was the case today. As Kevin and I stopped off for a break at the end of the eastlink trail, we started chatting with an older chap who was out exercising that morning.
He told us he exercises up to 2 hours every day, and at the ripe young age of 70, he was going great. The top tip he gave up both, eat less to lose weight. And then went on to apologise if he had offended either one of us.
With no offence taken, we headed home to find a coffee shop which served good coffee and sugary delights to help get us all the way home.
Cycling is more than just exercise, it is a form of stress management for many people. So when you see a group of cyclists on the road, they are saving a few bucks by riding, and not visiting a shrink.
Depression (or known as the Black Dog) is something that is well hidden by the person who has it. They will swear black and blue they are fine and nothing is wrong. But deep down they are hurting and either can’t or don’t want to adit they have a problem.
Ask them if they are really OK, as sometimes a friend’s shoulder is just as good, and if not better than a paid professional.
With darkness surrounding me, the air is chilly as the few rays of sunshine are well and truly gone. Not a star in the sky as clouds cover every inch of the sky.
There is a lot to be said about darkness and solitude. It can bring out the best in some, and in others a feeling of gloom. It all depends on the way one looks at it.
Tonight is one of those nights with mixed emotions, not sadness, but not a feeling of being over the moon. Kinda average. But that’s better than scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for something to smile about.
We just need to look at what we have in our lives, and make the most of it. Even if that one thing that makes you smile is coffee and a nice jam donut.
So, I’m smiling as I was lucky enough to have a great coffee and fantastic jam donut. And as a bonus, my son was at the cafe and made me a mushroom and fig jam sandwich with goats cheese. Something he wants to add to the menu. Am looking forward to the he final product.
All in all, lots of reasons to keep smiling.
Keep looking around, and you will find something to make you smile.