Bottled Up

It wasn’t my time

Posted on by fantomwriter

There have been many occasions over the past few years where I have questioned why I am, where I am. Is it because Lady Luck was on my side at that moment in my life? Or was it because, it wasn’t my time.

I keep thinking to myself, my life should have ended on the road that sunny morning. But it didn’t. And I can’t understand why.

It’s not that I’m not grateful that I’m alive. Every day there is something that reminds me of that morning. Sometimes it’s pain, other times it’s when I drop items or can’t pick them up. When I struggle to hold a pick as I play the guitar.

Then there are times when a program on TV brings back memories that should be shelved and not be allowed to see the light of day again. But those memories will only fade, and never leave. Engrained in my mind, forever.

We all need to face our demons at one point or another. Now is a good a time as any. Moving on is easier said than done, and if we don’t, all we are doing is fooling ourselves that everything is OK when deep down we know it’s not.

Second chances are made to be taken, do so when they land in your lap… Its high time I took mine.

Born to sing the blues

Posted on by fantomwriter

Some people are born to win, some are born to lose, some are born to sing the blues.

Even though we may be born to win or lose, if we try hard enough, we can win, more than we lose. But is life all just about winning?

There are many times where second prize is good enough. It means we have had a crack at something, and that in itself is a huge accomplishment. We need to understand that not winning doesn’t make us losers, it makes us people who try, no matter the outcome.

Getting out of bed every morning is a win for many people who suffer some type of depression. But they put one foot in front of the other and get on with their daily lives. Not showing any signs of what they really feel deep inside.

Most people won’t show a single sign that they are depressed while out in public, or even when they are with family and friends. But once alone, its a different story.

Always keep an eye on your friends, be there for them, in the good times, and the bad. And as the days go by, there will be less and less bad days.

Good to be alive

Posted on by fantomwriter

Perhaps it’s the cold morning air, or the way the wind rushes past my partially frozen face that makes me feel so alive. Or it could be the fact my heart is racing due to the pedal power involved in heading up the very first hill before i hit the dirt trail, where the track levels out and i can cruise along for a few hours at a reasonable pace without the interruptions of passing cars, trucks and busses.

It really doesn’t matter what it is that’s making me feel so alive. It’s the mere fact I am alive, and am still able to get on the bike and head out to destinations unknown. And if not a destination unknown, a very familiar track, like an old friend, waiting with open arms to take me back. No questions asked.

And that’s what we all need in our lives, that friend that will welcome us back with a tight hug and a warm smile. No matter how many miles have passed, No questions asked, as no answer is needed. Just knowing that all is good in the world, at least for that moment in time when sharing a coffee, and a laugh.

I would hate to try and live life without someone close to share a laugh, or to unload my thoughts, fears and even my tears with. Oh, and for me, life without coffee would make the world a much harder place to live, but not impossible. There is always a cuppa tea.

Alone

Posted on by fantomwriter

Most people will tell you they are never alone and always have someone close by or around them in their lives. They think they are not alone. But in reality they are and can’t, or won’t admit it to themselves that at times they are truly alone.

Just because we are in a crowded room, with a group of workmates in the office, on the road with a group of MAMIL, or even at home with family. We can still be very alone. Lost in our own world where we know it’s safe, and a place where we can retreat to in a time of despair, sorrow, anger or even pain.

So where is that special ‘alone’ space we crawl back into? It’s the place we head back to when it all becomes too much and it seems as if no one really gives a fuck. Even if they do, we don’t seem to understand.

That so called ‘alone’ space I crawl back into is one where I not only feel safe. But also alone. Very alone! And letting others into would be similar to lowering the drawbridge and allowing friends, and possibly foes into my private world.

A world where pain and anger can be dealt with in a way in which only I know how to deal with. And if that pain, anger and suffering somehow can’t be dealt with, there is always my road bike and a stretch of road that never seems to end.

So no matter who we are, we all tend to deal with the curve balls life throws at us from time to time. But when we are continually bombarded with one curve ball after another, it gets harder to keep going. And even our own private world begins to crumble before our very eyes.

In these times we need to reach out for help. And knowing very well this is easier said than done, it can he done so we can continue our life journey without the black dog breathing down our necks.

Every breath is a gift

Posted on by fantomwriter

From the very first breath we take to fill our lungs so we can let out a scream all mothers long to hear, until the last breath we take when we leave this earth. Each and every breath we take in between is a gift many of us take for granted.

No one knows how many times we will take a breath in our lives, but one thing we know for certain, one day we will take a final breath and leave this world. Forever.

In saying that, the gift of life is something we need to cherish, every moment, every single day. No matter how bad we think our day is going to be. We are alive and kicking.

Even though we may moan and groan through our normal morning rituals, we are living and breathing. The other option has absolutely no appeal to me whatsoever. None. Zip. Nada.

But what about the times when things are tough and we feel as if we are carrying the entire world on our shoulders. Do we buckle under the weight or do we find the strength to forge forward?

Personally, I keep pushing forward, no matter how tough it gets. It’s not easy. Every single day is a hard fought struggle. And the struggle is real. It’s not something that I have made up. There are so many people out there who know and understand the struggle. The struggle to keep the black dog at bay.

When we think the dog is safely back in his kennel, we turn around and realise the bastard is nipping at our heels. Snapping away and trying to drag us back into the darkness that can shroud our every waking moment.

The black dog closes in with every step we take. But with the support of our family and friends, we can ensure he stays in his kennel.

Never be afraid to speak up. Others around us may not see how we are truly feeling. And that is the time we are the most vulnerable to the jaws of the black dog.

Is honesty the best policy?

Posted on by fantomwriter

From a very young age, I have always been told to be honest and tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy I was told. Time and time again. And it has been something that has been ingrained into my mind.

So as I have grown older and supposedly wiser, I sometimes have doubts about the entire truth is the best policy motto. I’m not saying we should always lie, but at times a small white lie may be the best way to ensure everyone is happy and no major wars begin.

So when people ask how I’m.feeling, it’s easier to smile and say that everything’s just fine. Sometimes going into detail would only bring the mood down, and if there is no real benefit in others feeling bad about things that can’t be easily changed. Why tell the truth


And there are so many thing in life that can’t be changed, so we just put up with them. Don’t we?

So after a while we begin to lie to ourselves, until we believe the very same white lies we tell the ones around us. And in the end, the lies becomes part of our very being. Melding into our lives and eventually, we are unable to distinguish the truth among the lies.

Even after all is said and done, deep down I know that honesty still is the best policy. But it may come at a price.

Mistakes make us human 

Posted on by fantomwriter


With all the things we do in our lives, we are bound to make a mistake or two. Or, sometimes a lot more. We can normally let some of our mistakes slide by, while with some others, we need to fess up and take responsibility for what we’ve done.

It’s not always easy to own up to what we have done, but sometimes it’s easier in the long run to dig deep and confess. Rather than keeping it all bottled up and waiting for it to explode deep inside of us, and tearing us apart. 


One of the hardest things to do is to admit to a friend or a loved one you have made a mistake that can change everything you have. 

The longer it takes to admit it to yourself, and then to others you have screwed up, the harder it will be to get over it and continue making amends.

Take the plunge and own up to your mistakes. It will change your life, And hopefully for the best.